There’s nothing quite like the high after a fantastic date, where you feel grateful for staying single long enough to meet this incredible person and eagerly anticipate what comes next. Equally intense, however, is the sting of never hearing from them again. This is known as ghosting, and it really f*cking hurts.
Despite its soul-crushing nature, ghosting is a common experience, especially in the world of online dating. The hardest part? Not knowing what went wrong, which makes moving on even tougher. We asked experts for their best advice on handling ghosting. Read on for their insights, and remember — you’re better off without them!
Positive Self-Talk
Experts advocate for healing through positive thinking. “Engaging in ‘positive self-talk’ can help manage disappointment and restore confidence,” they suggest. Start by mentally listing traits you love about yourself. “Acknowledge that these traits remain unchanged and that others will find them attractive.”
Additionally, reframe negative thoughts that arise post-ghosting. When you think you did something wrong, visualize those thoughts as leaves falling off a tree and drifting away. Replace these with affirmations. “Let the leaves blow by and use hard evidence to remind yourself how wonderful you are.” This might involve looking at old recommendation letters, cards from friends, or calling a loved one.
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Trade Ghost Stories
Mentions of ghosting have surged, showing that it’s nothing new — we just have a name for it now. Knowing it happens to many of us can be comforting. Ask a friend or a favorite coworker if they’ve ever been ghosted and share your stories. This can be therapeutic and help you realize it’s not just a “you” problem.
Nourish Your Body
Rejection feels like a physical blow. Shifting perspective can be tough when you’re in a fight-or-flight state. A nourishing meal or even a deep breath can signal to your body that you’re okay, increasing blood flow to the part of the brain responsible for big-picture thinking rather than emergency responses.
Get Back Out There
Ghosting shows a lack of respect. Though it’s hard to see now, some people will text back, ask you out, and respect you. You won’t meet them if you’re hung up on a ghost, so get back out there!
Give It Time
The only way to find closure and heal your bruised heart and ego after being ghosted is time. It might take about three months to heal if you were ghosted after a few months of dating. Confronting them might seem like a good idea, but this coward didn’t even give you a proper explanation. They’re not going to provide what you need through confrontation.
Experts also emphasize the importance of trusting that the universe works in mysterious ways: Find comfort in knowing that when the right person comes along, it will all make sense why it never worked out with anyone else.
